{"id":169,"date":"2017-08-27T00:01:41","date_gmt":"2017-08-27T00:01:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/facd2ce320.nxcli.io\/?p=169"},"modified":"2024-04-12T13:45:20","modified_gmt":"2024-04-12T17:45:20","slug":"compersion-happy-sympathy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/findpoly.com\/blog\/compersion-happy-sympathy\/","title":{"rendered":"Compersion: The Happy Sympathy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I\u2019ve heard of people describing it as a euphoric, passionate state. I\u2019ve heard others describe it as something warm and familiar, like a mug of hot cocoa on a cold day. My one partner describes it as \u201chappy sympathy,\u201d feeling happy for your partner\u2019s happiness. I have struggled with this particular emotion. Compersion does not come easily for me. For years I felt that I was simply incapable of experiencing it. It has only been relatively recently that I\u2019ve started to feel what I\u2019ve heard so many describe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a deeply empathetic person, I always thought it was bizarre that I seemed incapable of taking pleasure in the happiness of my partners. I didn\u2019t feel jealousy towards my metas, and I certainly didn\u2019t begrudge my partners their happiness, but as far as my feeling pleasure from what they did with another? Nada.<\/em> So what exactly was I missing? I very much wanted to feel this joyful feeling I\u2019d heard so many talk about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Man<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

A big part of my inability to feel compersion, I believe, came from my fear of missing out. And this wasn\u2019t limited to romantic partners. If I heard about two of my friends doing something they both enjoyed together, the nagging feeling of not being a part of that fun overpowered any sense of happiness I may have gotten. So how do I deconstruct this tendency towards envy?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A lot of people believe that jealousy and envy are the enemy, particularly with regards to non-monogamous relationships. I don\u2019t believe one must conquer them in order to be successful in polyamory. Rather, understanding ones jealousy and envy and how they manifest, treating them like sometimes contentious but nevertheless educational acquaintances seems to be the healthiest way to deal with them. Make no mistake though; my emotions are MINE to deal with. Not my friends\u2019, not my partners\u2019. They can help me work through them, but no one is responsible for my insecurities but me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have heard people say that compersion is the opposite of jealousy but I\u2019m not sure I agree with that. The two can exist simultaneously, neither necessarily undermining the other. Once I embraced this duality, I was able to get a clearer picture of how to get past my insecurities. Now I want to make this perfectly clear: not everyone is capable of feeling compersion, just as not everyone is capable of feeling jealousy<\/a>. There is NOTHING wrong with people who don\u2019t feel these emotions and they are not better or worse for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For me, the breakthrough came when I started to see my new partners and friends making connections, becoming friends, lovers, partners. There were still pangs of envy, for sure. But there was also something new. I still feared missing out on things. But I had an assurance that I\u2019d also be able to share those things at some point with them. It wouldn\u2019t necessarily be simultaneously. But I had the opportunity. And that was the key for me: knowing that I could still have those experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And because of that feeling of security, this connection between the people I loved seemed to add to my own. It\u2019s not an ecstatic or euphoric feeling, it\u2019s not a feeling of arousal, nor is it particularly overwhelming. But it\u2019s there. I can pinpoint it and say \u201chey, compersion!\u201d And it\u2019s heartening to know that something I thought was unobtainable is available to me, if subtle. Compersion, I feel, is the antithesis of schadenfreude; taking pleasure in another person\u2019s happiness rather than their pain. And that\u2019s a pretty neat thing to feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Joy Together \u2013 Celebrating Compersion in the Heart of Connection<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Embrace the warmth of compersion, where happiness for another’s happiness weaves the most vibrant tapestry of connections. SwingTowns welcomes you to a community where this joyful sympathy is not just understood but celebrated as the essence of love\u2019s potential. Sign up for your free account today<\/a> and join us in exploring the depths of compersion, enriching your relationships and expanding your heart. Begin your adventure with SwingTowns, where every shared joy adds another layer to the endless exploration of love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cSwingtown is awesome and we have no complaints. There are tremendous people and wonderful couples on here that we have had the pleasure of meeting\u201d -wearesexy2015<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\n
Sign up for a Free SwingTowns profile<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Want to learn more? Read\u00a0Polyamory 101 By Angel Kalafatis<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve heard of people describing it as a euphoric, passionate state. I\u2019ve heard others describe it as something warm and familiar, like a mug of hot cocoa on a cold day. My one partner describes it as \u201chappy sympathy,\u201d feeling happy for your partner\u2019s happiness. I have struggled with this particular emotion. 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